Let's talk about mind-splitting crushes.

Hello earth. It's still December 13 Thursday, 2012.

I swear I’m the strangest person I know. Just how do you like a guy for no reason? I’ve liked him for so long that I can’t believe it. But thank god for what happened today. I talked to him after school, just a small chat... It was kind of unpleasant. Or rather, he was unpleasant. He’s kind of a jerk and now I know why it’s so hard for me to talk to him.  I’m starting to understand that he’s not the one who will make me happy.  But I still want to try to see if that’s true. My mind won’t agree with itself. I can understand that I shouldn’t want to like or see him anymore. I understand that the only one he will like is her. But I still want to see and talk to him. I don’t know. Maybe next semester when I have a class with him, we’ll see… But maybe it’ll turn out to be even more unpleasant. I’m afraid of the truth. Is he who I thought he was? Maybe there’s a reason most people don’t like him… I don’t know. We'll see in the future if he's worth the effort of liking.

I'm scared of what might happen later though. But that's life. Or maybe, the adolescence of life. Growing up is really a pain in the butt. Especially when you let something like a guy rule your life. That's not the way to live, obviously. Breaking away from thinking about him will take time. Be strong, me.

Let's complain about school

  Hello earth. It's December 13, 2012

  Sophomore year. Probably gonna be my worst year. I regret taking Spanish  Pre-AP, since it's too much unnecessary work. I'm not even good at it so it's just a pain. I'm 16 now, old enough to get a license. But that's probably not gonna happen as I don't even have a permit. Maybe in the summer we'll work at that. Let's focus on now.

  My main problem is that I'm unorganized. I need to spend this weekend catching up on all my late work and try to raise my bad grades. Even though I'm currently failing Spanish, I'm more focused on trying to bring up my average World History AP (WHAP) since it's a core class. But I'm working on the Spanish project now since I don't have any current assignments from that class.... I do however, have late work. -_____- Also there's math. I need to study really hard to understand math. I'm totally lost in that class. And it's not even the teacher's fault, it's mine. Good luck me on trying to read up on 5 chapters this weekend...

  English is my best subject, however I happen to have the worst teacher... She's a nice lady, very motivational and gives lots of speech about being successful in life but she just sucks at teaching. She gives us work and then grades them. If you do them, it's a easy 100. But there's almost no point in putting serious effort in answering the questions or writing the essays. I love English, I really do, and I take everything I write seriously. But taking it seriously makes finishing the work slow. So most of the time I can't finish it and I have to turn it in late. If you don't have it, it's a 0. If you turn it in later, it's a 70. No. Matter. What. She doesn't even look at it. I'm so infuriated at myself for being so stupid and should just turn the work in, if it's full of shit or not. I'm amazed this lady is an English teacher. She doesn't seem to be good at it.

That's my life at the moment.

School sucks. Or rather, I suck at school. I took all Pre-AP (advanced) classes plus band so my high school life is very stressful. My report card for the first six weeks was mostly B's, one A, and one C. The worst report card of my life!! I've never gotten a C on my report card! Not as far as I can remember at least... I can't keep up with all these band rehearsals and homework/projects. I need to work harder and try to raise my grades. But it's so hard! I've never been this stressed before :(

I don't know... I can only try to make up all the missing work and zeroes... And I definitely need to do extra credit and get lots of sleep. But I haven't even played off the music for band. I suck so much and I've been practicing and with all this work... I really don't want to drop Pre-AP. I really don't want to go to regular classes, I wouldn't be able to stand all those stupid people. I've already have people that act stupid in my Pre-AP classes, if I was stuck with even stupider people, it would be like hell. :(((( I'm really unhappy right now. I hate school. I wish I could just grow up already and be an adult. Or die but that would be stupid because there are other people in the world who are suffering way more than me and I'm only a little stressed from school and that's the lamest reason for wanting to die. I'm such a wimp :(((

Okay, stressed out rant over. Back to work... *glances at bad grades and pile of work* ..Ugh I'm not getting my 8 hours of sleep tonight...

Kay, first day of school was three weeks ago. I'm taking this class called Journalism for this year and my teacher wants us to have a journal or blog to write in everyday. It'd be easier for me to do a blog rather than a journal because I make more mistakes with writing manually than typing. It's faster too. Whenever I write on paper I always think my handwriting looks ugly that I erase it and rewrite it. I ask my parents how they write so pretty and they tell me to just practice and it'll get better over time. Maybe I should have done a journal? I guess I could write the stuff not included here in a journal. It'll be a lot shorter than the blog though :P I probably won't spend too much time on it.

Marching band is such a pain but I still love it. I just hate how it takes all my free time. We have practice after school on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. Fridays are game days where we play at a football game so the only free day I have is Tuesday. I hope they don't take my weekends too TT.TT

I need to practice my flute at home more too. I didn't practice at all Sunday and Saturday because we had to go to people's house to celebrate Eid. Luckily Monday's a holiday. However that means we have practice after school on Tuesday. x( Noooooo

I'll post more later because I have other homework to do :P Zehra, I miss you! Let's email again! :D

Going to bed! (first post)

Bah, I have to go to bed early because I have to be at school at 5:15 to go to this place and play my flute and go home right away. :P I'll post more tomorrow!